did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
