She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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