Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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