I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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