Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
