I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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