my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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