I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
