pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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