Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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