We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
