Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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