No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize