Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
