This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize