I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
