oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
