I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
