need another drink. this is the easiest way
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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