I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
