well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
