So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you had me at cake vodka
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
