I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
