You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
