mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize