theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
