My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
