I want to have your abortion
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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