i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
