Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
