So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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