well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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