I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
