i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
