I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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