you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
