Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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