My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
