i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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