I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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