after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
