So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
