Already got asked if we're dating
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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