Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
