Pappa wants mamma naked
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
