Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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