All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
