It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize