"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
that is very illegal...i love you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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