"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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