I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize