I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
