its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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