I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
