I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
