yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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