This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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