i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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