Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
