Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
