then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize