i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
