Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
