my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
