theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my being single is dangerous.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
