My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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