I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
