When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
