The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
