he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Found your dick twin last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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