Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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