Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
