Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
