9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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