And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
