When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
