ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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