But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
