You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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