I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
