you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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