Nicole vs. Life
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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