We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
