I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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