On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
