It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
