Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
