Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
