You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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