She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
