Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
