you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
