Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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