May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize