the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
