u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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