I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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