I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
