I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
