Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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