worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
