i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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